the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
