My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
