The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
