Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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