Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
