Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
