you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
