my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
