dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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