shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
