is your mom at the bar?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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