You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I believe in your delicious
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
