Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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