he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
