this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
