After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
