i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
