Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
