think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
