And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
