Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
