I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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