the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
