i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
