I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
