She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
