my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
