After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
