ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
