she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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