just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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