drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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