He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
