Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
