just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
