we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
