hotel room ftw
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
