So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
