it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
