we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
