My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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