hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
