The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
