he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
