I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
