Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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