And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
