Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
