So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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