I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
