i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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