I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize