My room smells like vodka and shame
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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