I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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