At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
