1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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