No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
