how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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