Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
